Country Day has a long history of enriching the educational and learning experience for our families on timely and relevant parenting topics through nationally-acclaimed speaker events and grade-level education meetings to help parents with various developmental stages and parenting issues. This year was no exception as our new Head of Upper School brought to our community, Max Stossel, founder and CEO of Social Awakening. He met with Middle and Upper School students and faculty followed by a parent evening session, with record-breaking attendance.
Max discussed the impact of social media and technology on young people, highlighting the challenges and concerns around platforms like Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Some well-known but sometimes undervalued points he shared as it particularly related to the use of social media include:
- The addictive nature of social media platforms, designed using techniques similar to slot machines to keep users engaged
- The prevalence of inappropriate, violent, and harmful content that young people can be exposed to on these platforms. He rates them all NC-17.
- The negative impact on mental health, self-esteem, and social development, with research showing spikes in depression, anxiety, and self-harm
- Practical strategies for parents and schools, such as delaying smartphone access, implementing "device-free" policies, and focusing on offline activities and real-world interactions
Max emphasizes the importance of open communication, leading by example, and working collaboratively with our children to navigate this complex digital landscape in a healthy and intentional way. You can access the parent presentation and many follow up resources through this Social Awakening Website, with one month free access.
We asked our community what was most impactful to them, did they change their perspectives regarding technology, and any action steps they are going to take after hearing from Max. Thank you to all of their thoughtful reflections.
Reflections from the Community
From Parents
“The conversation was refreshingly realistic. The emphasis on how social media makes you feel empowered us to make a conscious decision on how we engage was powerful.”
“Absolutely, the temptation is always to take the technology out of their hands, but that is not sustainable. Honest conversations about how we are all drawn in by technology is a good starting point - encouraging us all to question the motives at play, to take a minute to decide how to respond and consider what that would look like.”
“Honesty, leading by example, being vocal about how social media makes me feel and taking back ownership for my feelings.”
From Upper School Students
- "While today’s technology isn’t inherently harmful, it can negatively impact our lives if misused. When approached with good intentions, social media can be a valuable tool for connection and communication. However, when used irresponsibly, it can become addictive, harm mental health, and encourage avoidance. This is particularly concerning because social media companies prioritize engagement over user well-being, designing their platforms to keep us hooked—essentially making them addictive by design."
- “Stossel’s insights have made me more aware of when and why I turn to social media. His recommendation to use the app OneSec to monitor my usage has been especially helpful, encouraging me to be more intentional and preventing me from using social media as a distraction or an escape from discomfort. Not only has it helped reduce procrastination, but it has also inspired me to be more present in my surroundings, shifting my focus away from the false realities social media often portrays."
- "The biggest takeaway that I received from Max Stossel’s visit was the question of if “you were using technology or if technology was using you”. This specific phrase was so very impactful to me, because I could finally understand the connections he was trying to make throughout his presentation. For example, the fact that notifications are bright red and are the first thing one sees as they open their phone, creates this level of urgency and the feeling of needing to be on one’s phone much more than intended. Also “streaks” and meaningless notifications such as “somebody tagged you in a post”, are created by these apps to profit from viewer engagement, and do not actually benefit anybody."
- "Attending this event really changed my perspective and how I thought about technology and social media. Specifically, when Max Stossel showed the editing capabilities with present day technologies via the process of turning a piece of pizza into a glamorized person. This method truly showed just how fake pictures, especially on social media today, can be. I really appreciated how he spoke about how when a person posts online, not only is there a high chance of it being overly edited, but you never truly know what someone is going through beyond how romanticized their life may appear. He shared the comparisons of what people posted and what they were going through at the same time. It made me truly reevaluate this idea of “perfection.” Now I feel as if I look at life and social media very differently. I am so very grateful to have myself as well as my peers witness this meaningful message because I think that everybody in that assembly needed to hear that."
- "One course of action I’m planning to take after hearing from Max Stossel is deleting or at least minimizing my usage of apps that do not benefit me. Seeing just how many of my peers dislike the apps that all of us alike use daily really put it into perspective for me that they are not necessary to function every day. I think that if every person at the Upper School took his advice and simply deleted one app that did not benefit themselves, we would have a major increase in overall happiness and productivity in our very campus."
- "The most impactful piece of information I learned from Stossel is that social media is a lot like a slot machine. It’s curated for the viewer to be as addictive as possible, and most of the time, it works. We scroll aimlessly, sometimes for hours on end, awaiting the photo or video that brings a temporary hit of dopamine. Since learning this, I have recognized how true it is."
- "I knew that my excessive screen time was not something to be proud of, but I was okay with it because I thought that social media brought me joy. Since hearing from Stossel, I have become more aware of whether I am scrolling on social media because I genuinely enjoy it or because I don’t know what else to do. I have begun to ask myself: “Is this really what I want to be doing right now,” “Would I rather do something else?” I have found that not only does this help me break the cycle of aimless scrolling but also gives me more time to allocate towards my hobbies and increases my productivity. I am very grateful to have heard from Max Stossel and I deeply appreciate the way he understands the unescapable integration of technology and social media into the lives of teenagers but also aims to help us understand how the major companies that create the websites and apps we love, don’t necessarily love us back."
Tips For More Intentional Social Media & Technology Usage
From Head of Upper School, Nidhi McVicar
- Conversation is always more effective than shame or discipline. Talk to your child about which apps make them feel good during and after use. Useful questions include:
- “Am I using technology, or is technology using me?”
- “Am I in this app with intention or am I mindlessly here?”
- “How do I feel after I use social media?”
- "What is gained vs. lost by eliminating social media apps? What are the fears about friendships and missing out?"
- Avoid the tug of war with your child and get on the same team against the tech companies who are focused on the gamification of our social lives. Brainstorm ways to cope with hard feelings that do not include escaping into a device. Ask them:
- “How can I help you navigate this?”
- “What do you like/dislike about the real world vs. the digital world?”
- “What is the difference between mindlessly taking in content vs. doing similar activities in real life?”
- “When you are bored, lonely, or anxious, what do you actually want to do?”
- Beat the algorithm and its propensity to steer kids towards inappropriate content. Try the following:
- Encourage your child to curate their feed by unfollowing toxic accounts, blocking content and liking useful, positive messaging.
- Find examples of misinformation so that kids understand how apps like YouTube make more money by promoting extremist viewpoints and videos.
- Turn off auto-play settings and suggested content.
- Talk openly about internet stranger danger and communicating with adults online. Remind children that they will not be in trouble if they find themselves in a frightening or embarrassing situation. Catfishing and “sextortion” are rampant, and kids need to know they can turn to a trusted adult for help. For safety:
- Update notification and location settings to ghost mode to ensure privacy.
- Explain why they should never send pictures to anyone they do not know.
- Remind them that nothing (including Snaps) ever really disappears.
- Multi-tasking is a myth. Try the following:
- Work to keep device-free zones at home and in bedrooms.
- Buy an actual alarm clock rather than using a device.
- Encourage your child to move conversations off of social media apps like Snapchat, TikTok, and Instagram and into regular text messaging.
- Lead by example (this is a tough one!) and narrate what you are using your own devices for so that your child sees more intentionality and purposeful modeling. Keep “constant contact” and “constant tracking” parenting behavior in check.
- Discuss the risks of “TikTok challenge” trends and the pressure of apps that encourage time-sensitive purchases.
- Pornography is terrible sex education. Utilize parental controls, and discuss healthy relationships, realistic body images, and consent with your children to build healthier perspectives.
- Consider apps like One Sec for limiting usage and avoiding the “black hole” of scrolling. If you’re considering a phone for your child, wait as long as you can and research the Gabb Phone, Bark Phone, and Troomi.