By Bill Mulcahy, Head of Lower School
As a new teacher 20 years ago, the first training of any kind I went to before the school year started was from an organization called Responsive Classroom. The organization, which was on the front end of social-emotional learning work, is an approach to teaching and discipline that focuses on engaging academics, positive community, effective management, and developmental awareness. As I sat through the training, a lot of what they shared seemed like common sense to me. One of the main tenants that they espoused was the idea of logical consequences.
Responsive Classroom defines logical consequences as, “a non-punitive response to misbehavior that allows teachers to set clear limits and students to fix and learn from their mistakes while maintaining their dignity.” Simple ideas like, “You break it, you fix it,” losses of privilege, and time-outs are examples of logical consequences.
From my experience teaching and learning, a few examples of logical consequences come to mind as being beneficial:
Let kids fail/make mistakes.
It’s a common refrain that we hear, but something that in practice as a parent is harder to do. If we want our children to be more helpful in the morning, hold them accountable, which some mornings may cause them to be late. Or if they forget a backpack, don’t drop it off at school. Let them be a bit uncomfortable. It will be a big motivator in the morning to remember. A previous school I worked in had a “no-rescue” policy, in which parents couldn’t drop off anything at school that was forgotten. Parents were upset and fought the decision initially, but a funny thing happened over time – parents liked not having the pressure of having to make multiple trips to school some days, and students forgot a lot fewer things at home over time!
Help Kids Fix the Problems They Create.
In the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives, we as parents can be quick to reprimand when a child makes a mistake, but not willing to take the time required to hold children accountable for fixing the problems they make. An example for young kids – if your child makes a mess at home, make them clean it up. If they draw on the wall, make them scrub the wall until the drawing comes off. They will battle you, they will likely not be happy about it, and they will be less likely in the future to make a mess.
Loss of Privilege.
If your child doesn’t meet your expectations, be direct in making the consequence specific to the action. If your child doesn’t meet your digital expectations at home, make the consequence specific to digital access. If a child isn’t making a safe choice on your trampoline outside, limit their ability to be on it until they can show safe use. Making consequences specific to actions is much easier for children to understand, and a motivator to correct said behaviors.
Parenting, like teaching, requires consistency, steadiness, and a need for adults to continually manage their own emotions in supporting the emotional development of children. It’s much easier said than done!